A girly entry.... guys beware.

I am here typing on my computer because I am too lazy to write all this out. Ha, I love the speed of typing sometimes!

Okay, here is a good story. Listen up.

So, there is a boy. I like this boy. Through certain circumstances I now have surmised this boy might like me. Okay, this sounds so ridiculous...but there are good lessons to come, I promise. After surmising this boy liked me .... it was REALLY hard to guard my heart. I was living in anticipation. Being super girly and not being patient at all. I talked to a good friend today and that friend assured me that whoever God brings along for me, it will be worth waiting for. Now, I knew I would wait for this boy to initiate, if he decides to do so.... but the wait being worth it wasn't something I had quite considered. Waiting can be a joy, instead of just something to bear through. Affirming his manhood in waiting is worth it to me, whoever it is that decides to pursue me someday.


Also, I have realized that even if this guy likes me and never acts upon it.... God is trustworthy. God holds the hearts of kings in His hands. I trust His plan. He holds the heart of this guy in his hand and this guy trusts and listens to Jesus. If said guy is going to initiate something, it will be in His timing. If said guy never initiates anything, I am okay because God knows what He is doing. I think it was hard for me to overcome the fact that he perhaps likes me, yet may never do anything about it.... but even in that God is trustworthy. Seek first His kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be added to You.

God is trustworthy. God is good. I love Him!

Yay for being a girl and learning to trust God in waiting!


K-Rae

Rant....

"Teach us to be community, Jesus.
Teach us to be community.
Unify our hearts as one.
Unify our hearts as one." Ross King

What does community look like? It is something I have been pondering a lot lately and something I find very, very, very, very, very lacking in our American society. People here don't even know what true community looks like in order to seek after it. Those of us who have been truly blessed with genuine community, our hearts cannot forget it and our hearts cannot settle for less. I admit I miss it so. I miss being able to truly be yourself with someone, sins and all because you know they will extend the mercy and love of Jesus to you. I miss praying together with the girls in my life and really sharing our hearts and lives with one another. I miss the selfless love that comes from knowing the needs of others and being able to fill them. Oh what we are missing out on. "How beautiful is it when brothers dwell together in unity". We don't know what dwelling together looks like in this individualistic society of ours. Please help me to cultivate true community in those believers around me. Oh Jesus, by your mercy.... please teach us to be community.

Randon.... so random I can't even spell it correctly.

I have so many thoughts floating around in this head of mine, so these will just be "randon" bullet points of things I have been learning lately or thinking about lately....

*The overarching theme of these past couple of weeks is to seek God first and His Kingdom first and everything else will be added. I have been learning this as I struggle through what it looks like to possibly be graduating single and struggling through what friendship and community really looks like.

*I have realized more of the amazing and never-ending love of Christ. He did not make a mistake in choosing me for this impossible task. He wouldn't dare throw his pearls to the pigs and thus I know that He wouldn't give such a precious treasure (salvation) to someone He didn't mean to. He wants to do unthinkable and amazing things through me if I will just surrender and trust His divine choice, even though I so often feel unworthy.

*A fresh take on bread and wine. Last Sunday we took communion and I was overwhelmed at reality of His body and blood. His body and blood are what have sustained me through this past month or so - and that is moving beyond belief. I am so thankful for the tangible representation of communion that we are able to partake in to remember and rejoice in His sacrifice.

*God asking us to be obedient isn't because He is just some slave driver in the sky. He really desires our obedience because it is what is best for us as well as Him. Our true obedience is our true joy. Obedience isn't just done for the sake of obeying, it is done to take one step deeper into the heart of God.

Well, those are just a few "randon" thoughts. I hope they drew you closer to our glorious Dad!

Kels

A good quote from a good friend....

What I conclude then is that once God led the people to a place of abundant water, and once God led the people to a place where there was no water to drink. God authored each season the people passed through.

The same is true of us. With much water, and with none. God has brought us here. He has authored this season, and even if we can not see it, He has written mercy and wisdom and glory into this story.

Life and Death.

"For the righteous will never be moved, he will be remembered forever." Psalm 112:6

This is one of my favorite pictures of my dear brother, Brandon.  This was the day that the Projectors threw me a surprise birthday party.  There are a couple pictures of Brandon in back preparing the cake for me.  In each picture you can just see his excitement and his sweet spirit.  I love the pure joy in his face that was captured in this picture, especially since I didn't get to see it until after the fact (it was a surprise!).  It is such a beautiful picture of such a beautiful brother. 

I spent last summer with Brandon at Project Impact in Riverside, CA.  We went to the same Church each week, Pierpoint.  At first, I honestly didn't think I would like Brandon all that much.  He seemed really preppy and was from the Woodlands, so I just assumed that he was a rich, preppy, unapproachable guy.  The first weekend of Project we all went to the beach together.  I was in the car that Brandon was in on the way back and I just remember him talking about how he was shy and how hard Project had been for him because it was hard for him to get to know people.  His transparency in that moment changed my viewpoint of him and it was the beginning of a fabulous summer.  

Brandon was truly the star of Project.  If you could pick one guy or one girl who epitomized, understood, and lived out what Project was about - its goals and purposes for existence - it was Brandon.  At the end of the summer looking back the only way I could describe Brandon was like a sponge.  He, with joy and fervor, soaked up every ounce of Project.  He was completely, completely transformed by Project.  His life was dramatically altered because of his incredible teachablility.  I have never seen anyone exhibit such a willingness and excitement to learn.  One of the last nights of Project we were doing debriefing time.  We were all sitting around in a big circle in our living room.  We would go around the circle, choose one person, and the rest of the group would describe how they had been blessed by person or how they had seen that person grow during the summer.  When it was Brandon's turn to be talked about.... it was truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.  Every single person just raved about him.  By the end of his turn, he was crying, and we were all crying.  His life impacted ours so much.  

He was always willing to serve in any capacity.  There was a small group of us who went to Pierpoint Church together every week and when any need arose he was always the first to eagerly jump in and help.  Whether tables needed to be set up, bulletins folded, or sound equipment arranged Brandon always volunteered.  One Sunday they needed a couple people to help lead worship.  Brandon jumped right in and volunteered!  When asked later whether he had ever done that before he replied that he hadn't, but that they had asked him and that he had said yes :)  While he wasn't the world's best singer, he sure was a servant and I am pretty sure that counts for A LOT more in the end.  What a joy!  

His life impacted all of our lives at Project in a huge way and when he returned home, he didn't slow down!  He was a great witness at Seminole State where he went to college and during the last weeks of his life served at Falls Creek, where I am told his impact was just as incredible.  

I was overseas when Brandon died.  I can't even write that sentence without tears flooding my eyes and my hands shaking.  His death seems such a tragedy, but God is using it for His good.  When I arrived home and found out the news, I was just devastated.  Brandon was like a brother to me.  I mourn his death more than I would some of my earthly family because Brandon was True, heavenly family.  I lost a precious brother this summer and though God is so good the pain of that huge loss remains.  

The weeks following me finding out the news were some of the darkest weeks of my life.  I was dealing with Brandon's death, reverse culture shock, and processing through a hard summer spent overseas.  God is faithful though and moved in huge ways to show me His love and goodness.  

I went to Falls Creek to visit a couple friends who worked there.  While I was in the service I was just having a really hard time worshipping God the way that I should have been.  I was sitting down praying when the band began to play a song that I had never heard.  God really just used that song in my life to show me how much he loved me and that He orchestrated Brandon's death out of love.  He wasn't just a cold, uncaring, calculated God.  He was loving and compassionate and He really used that song to speak that Truth into my life.  Also, at Falls Creek I randomly ran into a couple of people that God knew I needed to see.  It was in His love that He gave me the gift of seeing them.  

A week or so later a friend came over to visit me.  We were online watching silly youtube videos when we came across this video.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Chx6s3qXKt4

You really should watch it. It's incredible. It is a video of John Mark McMillian. He is telling the story about his friend Stephen,

how Stephen died in a car crash, and how John Mark McMillian trusts that God will continue to use Stephen, even in his death,

to bring people to Christ. The day after Stephen died JMM wrote a song about the death of his friend. As he begins to play the

song, I realized that the song he wrote about his friends death is the same song that God really used at Falls Creek to show

me how much He loved me and how compassionate He truly was. Talk about incredible! It was totally God again showing

me that He was in control and that He does everything out of love. What a vivid and kind reminder!

He also brought me to the passage where Lazarus has just died and Jesus is about to raise him back to life. Mary and Martha

are angry with the Lord. They called for him and he did not come immediately. They tell him that if he would have come

sooner, their brother would not have died. I love that they were able to be so real with Jesus. That they didn't have to have

everything together. They were upset, they were sad, they were angry. He doesn't reprimand them (which I would expect)

but rather weeps with them and reminds them of the Truth. Right before raising Lazarus from the dead, Jesus asks Martha, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" (John 11:40).  God really used this verse to show me that He still is the God who can raise from the dead, if He so desires.  And that above all, He desires His own glory.  If He wanted to raise Brandon from the dead, He could easily.... but raising Brandon from the dead is not what would bring him the most glory.  Using Brandon's life and death is what will bring Him the most glory.  It also really challenged me to believe and to have faith in that.  It was a promise that if I had faith in Him, that He would allow me to see His glory in Brandon's death... but that faith was a prerequisite and requirement.  What good Words!  

Just a few days ago I was really crying to God and asking Him for comfort. He led me to Psalm 139:11-12. The previous verses

are talking about the fact that we can't go anywhere from God. If you go to Heaven or Hell or the depths of the sea... anywhere

He is there. Then verse 11 and 12 say, " If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,  even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."  God helped me to grab onto these verses as promise.  Even though I felt like darkness was completely surrounding me and that my hope was waning fast.... darkness is not even dark to Him!  Darkness is as light to Him!  He helped me to take these verses as my own and to realize that no matter how dark circumstances around me seem, they are as light to Him.  He will get me through.  Even though it doesn't make the trial less hard, it gives me hope and helps me to trust that He will bring me through.  What a great God we serve!  One who restores our hope when we think things are hopeless! 

My immediate prayers upon hearing about Brandon's death were that God would continue to use Brandon's life and death to bring people to Christ or closer to Christ and for the Project people who were still overseas who had not found out the news yet, especially his leader.  God reassured me through the John Mark McMillian video that the first prayer would come true.  That God will continue to use Brandon's life and death to bring people to Himself.  Since then I have been hearing stories, many stories exactly of that.  How Brandon's life and death have brought people to the Lord and closer to the Lord.  How incredible! 

God is sovereign.  He is in control of everything and He uses all things to work together for good.  His thoughts are higher and his ways are higher than our own.  He is in Heaven and He does what He pleases.  When we don't understand why things happen, it doesn't change the fact that He planned it and knows exactly what He is doing. 

God is also compassionate.  He is the comforter of those who mourn.  He weeps when we weep.  He does ALL things out of love.  Even darkness is not dark to Him.  

Pairing those two qualities together has made Brandon's death bearable.  He has given me words of Comfort and loving Arms to run to when I am hurting.  He is sovereign, compassionate, and good.  I believe He will continue to use Brandon's life and death to draw people closer to His kingdom.  

I hope that this "little" blog post has given you a picture of the Glory of God.  The glory of God that shone through Brandon's life, the glory of God in how He has helped me to deal with his death, and the glory of God in how He will continue to bring people into the kingdom through Brandon's life and death.  

We serve a glorious God.  Brandon served that glorious God in an outstanding way here on this Earth and is now enjoying His incredible presence.  May we be motivated by his life and death to finish our races well, as he did, so that we will be able to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant" at the end of our days, whenever that may be.